a transition of time

the new year brings a clean slate, a celebrated opportunity to forgive last years mistakes, to learn from them, let them go, and prepare to make new ones. 

this year i wish for the strength to stand by my decisions, the courage to try harder, the humility to step back, and the presence to experience every moment.

finding the light

in this dark season, the light is coming from mysterious places: my neighbor's glowing snowflake, my daughter's sparkling eyes, a reflection of the christmas tree in the flat screen tv, and as pictured above glow-in-the-dark bocce balls. i'll take whatever i can get; it all fills me with warmth these days.

sugar and salt and cellophane

happy holidays!

exploring our differences

the kids were curious. the adults were happy. and the cold, dark night was brightened and warmed by our open hearts and ripples of laughter.

pure joy

joy: i swear she can see it in places i've lost sight of, feel it in places i can't reach, and live it in ways i strive to discover. so today i will look deep into her eyes and let her sparkle infuse me.

tis the season...

reasons i love the holidays:

the tree! 

what an adventure to find the perfect tree: the car ride full of anticipation, the trek through rows and rows of trees and suddenly, it's there, "how could no one else have picked this one, it's perfect!" a thank you to mother earth and a fresh cut, and it falls gently into our holiday celebration. tie it to the top or squish it inside between the kids and the whole ride home smells of evergreen and childhood memories. "welcome home tree, now let's embellish you." every ornament has a memory, every ornament has a story and every ornament fills the room with a little more cheer.

the cards! 

the cards are seemingly more and more special every year as post mail slips further and further from our daily lives. to receive and to send this tangible greeting makes me happy, truly happy!

the gifts! 

what a lovely thing to think about every person on your list and thank them for being such a special part of your life; to find (or make) just the right token of your appreciation and imagine that they will treasure it the way you treasure them.

the food! 
i love food! i love food all year long, but during the holidays when a few extra pounds is part of the package, i really enjoy the tasty morsels that reward every step of the holiday process. neighbors open up to each other with lovely holiday concoctions, friends share new favorite recipes, gatherings and dinners are full of decadent rich treasures that fill us up for the cold winter ahead. inevitably, no matter what you celebrate or don't, during this holiday season you are bound to run into something delicious, something that makes your day a little brighter.

the magic! 

for me the magic is everywhere. it's in the houses decorated with light and cheer; it's in the sticky gingerbread decorating fingers; it's in the holiday music and performance. the magic fills the air. 

and santa! in our house santa represents the mystery of life, the idea that some things appear to you from what feels like thin air. if we open ourselves up to the universe, we will be rewarded. if we give, we will receive. if we believe, magic can and does exist. we are fortunate!

so the holidays come with stress, and lists, and to-dos, but they also bring a deep sense of accomplishment, they facilitate friends helping friends, and families coming together. this time of year can even help us learn where to let go, help us recognize what is important and what can wait. to bring the magic of the season, we have to work a little harder, manage a little stress, but most good things in life come with a price, holiday or no holiday.

when it's all said and done, the holidays can be a source of light and warmth. you can let them bring you down or pick you up... your choice!

lighter

good friends make the work feel lighter.

ice or no ice...

the ice never came last night. there was a part of me that was disappointed. a lazy school-delay morning with my girls would have been nice, would have been special. and so i wonder, 'if i'm disappointed it never came, there must be a part of me that needed it,' 
so why not grant myself a lazy school-delay morning with my girls, ice or no ice...

hidden

hidden quietly among other things, the best gifts lay waiting to be discovered. when i open myself up, that's when i usually find them.

traditions

now that's why i love the holidays! sugar and spice and everything nice!

complete?

her name was to be lucca. instead, a girl she was and for that everyday I am grateful. how do you know when you're done? is there ever a last puzzle piece? or do you look back at some point a realize 

the puzzle was complete all along?

so many reasons to love the bath tub...

in the still of the night

when i come downstairs in the middle of the night i am overwhelmed with gratitude. in the stillness everything rests peacefully, my life feels abundant, luxurious, sometimes even excessive. i'm trying to grasp hold of that feeling now, trying to let it guide me through the sea of to-dos, want-tos and shoulds that lies ahead.

welcome baby

the post birth moments in which parents explore and treasure their new and precious babies are some of the most magical i have ever been witness to. 

efficiency

so much of my life has been dedicated to efficiency: paying bills on time, keeping up with the laundry, responding to emails as the arrive. i hardly ever missed the boat, and when i did, i had a good reason. i could understand logically that this was hard for other people, but personally i didn't get it. "just do it" and move on, that's how i rolled. well as life fills and stirs, i'm starting to understand better, 
i'm looking back and realizing what a luxury my efficiency really was.

blindfolded

in a way life has us all swinging blindly. we miss as often as we hit, and sometimes even when we find the treasure, we sit disappointed after the excitement has passed. 

our lives are full of party games, most of them bring both laughter and tears.

simplicity

in this moment i miss simplicity. i miss sunshine, shadows, and soccer balls. i miss trusting that someone else is taking care of business, keeping me safe, protecting my happiness. 

and so i add to tomorrow's to-do list: SIMPLIFY 

but how? 

feeling grateful

life is precious. we say it all the time, but to feel it, to truly feel it, that is a gift in itself. this morning i felt it, 
i really felt it and in this moment i feel full. 

i feel grateful.

memories

four nights, 8 children, 8 adults, turkey day, hot tubbing, pool table, board games, and food, lots and lots of food. together we found a home away from home, together we escaped for a few precious days, 

together we sculpted some great memories.

holidays

holidays are exhausting; filled with to-do lists, have-tos, and shoulds. but most of us, we love them. we love them even though they wear us thin, even though they stretch us to our outer limits. maybe that's part of why we love them. they become proof that not only can we get a lot done in a short amount of time, but we can feel proud of what we've accomplished. after the mess has been cleaned, and the memories have been made, 
we can look back and smile .

blue skies

i've been noticing the sky a lot lately. the color has me smiling, fills me with overwhelming joy, makes me really appreciate being here, being able to play beneath it's beauty.

our growing family

i'm losing it, losing the urge to do it all over again. my girls are big now, they are meeting new needs; fulfilling wishes i never knew i had. we played soccer as a family this morning, then i took the girls ice skating. they were free, they were excited, they were self-sufficient. that sweet baby cuteness i look back on is losing it's appeal, i'm starting to just enjoy looking, remembering, treasuring, and then going to sleep at night knowing that i have other responsibilities now, new things to be proud of.

feet

someday their feet might be bigger than mine. 

i hope that someday they are more travelled than mine. 

i hope that they walk in many shoes, and explore many paths.

i hope that they get lots of foot rubs and tickles.

i hope that they know how to give and receive a pedicure.

i hope that their feet carry their weight with pride, 
and that they shed the unnecessary layers as they grow and change.

hilltown souls meet the sea

my girls love the ocean, but it's not love at first sight. 

their hilltown souls take a little time to warm up to its power and its mystery. 

at first fear, then curiosity, by the time they get a toe in the water the intensity is rising, and out comes a shriek of delight and uncertainty. it doesn't take long before the magic captures them, and suddenly they are begging for more.

girls

little girls love their bodies. 
led by their popping bellies, they parade around, their toddler rolls tempting you to pinch and giggle. 
and then they grow, they change, they cover, but hopefully they retain their confidence. 
hopefully they ignore the supposed to bes and shoulds. 
ideally they pride themselves in health an wellness, not pants size and bra cup. 

arousing the senses

simple pleasures alert our senses. here in new england they are constantly changing: snowflakes falling softly on the tongue, muddy rain puddles between your toes, a splash of cool water on hot sweaty skin, and today the crunch of autumn leaves crumbling between babies fingers.

my girl

book inscription written to my girl, valentine's day 2011: 

"trust that in all change you will eventually find magic and light. love mom and dad"

birth junkie

i'm still in a state birth euphoria after spending the day with a woman who birthed her 11lb 9oz baby against so many odds. i am inspired; inspired to keep doing what i love, inspired to push harder for the things i believe in, and inspired to trust the process and believe in the higher good. i think i'm a birth junkie...

the perfect boarding house

a warm, safe, gentle resting spot. i can only imagine how magical it must be inside the womb. 
who can blame the babies who want to hang out just a little longer? 

perspective

every choice is a good choice, it's all a matter of perspective. so own it, love it, learn from it. 
life is too short and precious for regret.