our halloween daddies

he loves his granddaughters with all his heart, but my dad used to say something resembling "we need boys in the family. we are good men, we would have a lot to teach our boys." as i raise my daughters i understand more and more what he means; we do have good men in my family, they do have a lot to teach... 

let there be snow

it's beautiful; and to be honest, for a girl who doesn't care much for the autumn months, it's kinda nice. i like a good dose of snow with the cold, it just makes more sense. for me it offers more possibility, more excitement, and a comforting sense of insulation.

our storm story

birthday party, halloween party, sketchy roads, anticipated client birth, internet storm stories, early bedtime, fireman husband in and out, storm friends for brunch, treasure hunt for the winter gear, bundling, sledding, shoveling, and bathing suits of course...

dark and sweet

she's into it this year. into the creepy gory, dark side of halloween. it's sweet actually, makes me feel proud, tells me she's confident enough in who she is that she can separate the costume from the wearer. it even makes me like halloween a little bit more...

making sense of things

sometimes in retrospect the puzzle pieces all start fitting together. 

usually it makes me laugh out loud with excitement.

a gift from afar

she's amazing. seriously amazing. i can't help but wonder where she came from. her life experience is so often deeper than my own; she seems to have come into this world with knowledge that people spend a lifetime trying to grasp; and she shares it with us, she shares it freely and without judgement.

the jean effect

there's something about a kid in a jean jacket that triggers all my cuteness alarms. the pants do it for me too. it's as if somehow that simple classic material allows you a glimpse into their future, a sneak peak into how awesome they'll be as adults.

sleeping babies

there is little i treasure more than sleeping babies. i could just watch them for hours: so peaceful so pure, so perfect. these moments can be tricky though; they can tease you into wanting to grow your family when only seconds or days ago you were begging for five minutes to yourself to use the bathroom and brush your teeth in privacy. so clever is the way of the human child, and so adaptive is the parental memory loss. from moment to moment, life with these sweet babes is uncertain and unpredictable.

time warp

it's amazing how a general happy mood can warp time; this morning our half hour 'getting ready for school routine' felt like an hour and a half; everything completed in fifteen minutes with time to spare for laughs and giggles and blog posts.

rough seas

the seas feel a little rough today; not rough in the 'will i ever make to shore way,' but in the 'this journey is testing my limits way.' today i'll choose deep breaths, mantras, warm tea and friends, and i will hope that tomorrow the journey feels a little less daunting. 

growing girls

two outdoor birthday parties today took advantage of the bearable fall chill. it was brilliant really, cupcake crumbs were left for scampering critters instead of brooms and dustpans, the sugar high was counteracted by monkey bars and rollerblades, and we all got some much needed fresh air on an otherwise cloudy and questionable afternoon. what i am most grateful for is the opportunity i've had to watch two little girls grow and change from birth to preschool, i look forward to the progression of our friendships.

little girls

the journey of raising little girls in our culture is so much wider and more complex than any of us can imagine. already, at four and seven, they do and say things that blow my mind. i find myself walking a constant fine line, treasuring their innocence and uniqueness and fearing their experience and conformity. finding balance in anything is challenging, finding balance in parenting is not only challenging but crucial.

need i say more

soaking it in

the universe must have heard my cry, because today was simply beautiful. it was productive, it was rewarding, it was full. only minutes ago at the playground with my girls, i soaked up every last bit of warm sun. lying on the ground, book held up to the bright blue sky, listening to the steady voice of happy children, i was in a state of pure bliss. for all of this i am grateful, so grateful in fact that i have almost forgotten yesterday.

the in between seasons

autumn in new england doesn't do it for me. there, i said it. this chilly season nuzzles it's way in every year way before i am ready. sure it comes with fresh crisp air and changing hillside colors, but given the choice i'd rather stick with hot summer sun and warm babbling brooks. maybe i'm just an extremes kind of gal, i love new england for it's winters and it's summers, the rest i could do without...

yum

all that from her mama's milk! well... mama's milk mixed with daddy's snuggles, her sister's smooches, lots of friendly smiles, and the comfort and security to sit back and relax until the next feeding. such amazing creatures we are!

how?

how do we teach our children the lessons that we haven't yet learned ourselves? 

fraying

the thing is, even a tight weave can fray. we're all in the same room, but each having our own version of a meltdown. we're swirling in disconnect, frustration, and impatience, swirling and waiting, waiting for it all to pass.

my woven family

when they are all woven together like this, the strength and security of a happy family seems so obvious; i'm in there too, resting peacefully in each of their hearts. together we will worry, we will stray, we will pick each other up and hold each other down; together we will find our way through this maze of a life, of this i am sure.

a crystal ball moment

i try not to predict, try not to look to closely into the crystal ball, but some things, some things are impossible not to stare right in the face. i consider her my fellow pisces, but in so many ways we couldn't be more different. when faced with that glimpse into the future, i can't help but smile and laugh. the adventure will be breathtaking. 

circles and stops

today number two has us spinning in circles of laughter and awe; and number one stops us dead in our tracks with words of wisdom that are so far beyond her years. in those moments, when we look at each other and smile, i am swept off my feet with love for the amazing family we have created.

at home

i could argue that never have i felt more at home than in my kitchen full of smiling, story-telling, laughing friends; kids in the other room, entertaining each other with their squeals of excitement and pitter patting little feet.

a gift

such incredible new england autumn weather we have been gifted today. as you breathe in each molecule of magnificent air, it'd be tough not to feel just a little lighter, a little happier, a little more refreshed. to whom it may concern i say "thank you for today"

ouch

time to face my fears head on; i hope they don't bite back too hard.

slipping away

our beautiful girl, our beautiful town, our beautiful life. in this moment i am slipping away and entering a memory, escaping from the chaos and confusion, and remembering a day filled with smiles and face paint and little girls on their daddy's shoulders.

signs of maturity

i casually plucked a grey hair out of my head this morning and suddenly realized how much i've matured. feels good, much better than the past disappointed aging freak out.