two pieces in a pod

the stars, 

they shower down their energy and without fail mabel and i sync.

i feel lost, swirly, a bit confused... sometimes sad.

then it happens, the tantrums strike.

she feels out of control, sensitive, clingy.

he smirks, takes it all in stride.

he loves us for who we are, supports us both through our funk, 

and soon it passes.

we are family.
connected.
unconditionally.

baby steps

some days i feel like i'm travelling in baby steps toward a glistening destination.

other days i'm leaping, rapidly approaching my end goal.

every once in a while i get swept up in a tornado 
and i'm begging to feel grounded again.

the only thing i know for sure is that each day is a part of the greater whole. 
each day will serve it's purpose.

it's been staring me in the face

today i decided to stare back, 

to follow my heart and trust.

sometimes moments of clarity carry a weight, 

but perhaps that's what makes them truly clear, 

the reality that the right path is not always the easiest to travel.

more

the beauty in her curiosity delights me.

when i can be here, when i can be present i see it, 

but when i get sidetracked, 

when i let visions of distant places stand in my way, 

i feel lost. disconnected. displaced.

i want more.

i want to be with my children in the depths of their moments.

i want to support my husband in ways he never dreamed possible. 

i want to love myself.

i want to be here now, in every moment, 
absorbing the deliciousness of every breath i take.

and so...

tomorrow i will follow my heart.

rooted

"i choose you"

a wedding:

-stripped of the excess gloss and the glamour

-carefully chosen guests

-a meaningful location

-belly warming delicious food

-dancing shoes

-love, laughter, presence

with these things

a bride and groom, beaming with joy and passion,
 rooted themselves deeper into the ground that supports them

when

when was the first time you touched the queen anne's lace?

did she shudder with excitement?

share with you her wisdom?

did she inspire you?

inspire you to live completely, 

cycling with the seasons, 

living as fully in your bloom as in your rest?

if it's been a while, it's been too long

find yourself a field

let her speak to you

let her share with you the wonders of the world

moving up

the summer before kindergarten:

melted away are the last pockets of baby fat,

her bones: longer, stronger, and strikingly beautiful underneath her tan summer skin.

a space where her tooth once laid sits vacant.

my home is about to get a little quieter;

in the stillness they'll be a lightness, a freedom, and also a weight, 
a change that sits in every moment.

the surrender

the waves they were warm, they were powerful, they kept coming: 
some more powerful than others, 
some knocking you down, 
some making you feel strong and confident. 

every once in a while i found myself caught off guard needing a break, but they kept coming, no relief until i found my way back to shore. 
it was powerful and beautiful and out of my control. 

it's been a long time since i was in labor, 
there's a good chance i'll never find myself in labor again. 
a visit to the ocean periodically is a good reminder, 
a means of understanding the surrender again.

father and daughter

birth

birth.

it calls me:

sings to me in the wee oxytocin filled hours of the night,

whispers my name in the crowds spotted with pregnant bellies,

strengthens my patience in the stretching on-call weeks.

birth.

it suits me:

fits me like a glove,

like the soft sweet arms of my children,

like the strong warm muscles of my life partner.

birth.

it fills me with pure unimaginable delight.

waiting

ever feel anxious?

hoping, wishing, praying that something completely out of your control will happen...

i can feel it.

i can feel how very excited i'll be when it happens.

but i keep waiting:

hoping, wishing, praying

"please, please come"

playground days

my playground days are numbered. 

before i know it: they'll be asking for spending money 
instead of under-dogs,

 i'll be watching cars full of teenagers drive away 
instead of strong little arms swinging from monkey bars,  

after school play dates will turn to date nights...

i'm both eagerly awaiting the return of my "freedom"

and anxiously holding on to their snuggly little bodies 
all curled up in my lap and my heart.

the buzz

this beautiful precious world is suckling at our finger tips. 

it tickles, it delights, it excites us if we let it.

so get out there, drink your coffee in the sunshine,
 take you kids to the playground, 
run your toes trough the grass.

let the world infuse you with it's buzz.

a fresh start

my computer crashed and i was forced to take a break, a power nap. 
it encouraged me to step away, count my losses, and make a choice to start fresh. 
now, as i bloom again, i plan on taking things a little slower, 
infusing each step i take with intention and purpose,
caressing the life inside every moment as best i can... 
here we go...